Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
