Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
