i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
