All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
