On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
