Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
