so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
