Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
