She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
