the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
