break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
