Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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