I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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