forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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