I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
