i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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