Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
