my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
