these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
