walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
