I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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