My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
