so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
