Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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