I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
