i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
