walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
