Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
