just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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