We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
