when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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