btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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