I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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