yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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