after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
