They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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