After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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