I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
