Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
