I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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