garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think my mom watched the whole time
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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