We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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