Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
