I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.