I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon