Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
someone threw a dead crab at me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present