last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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