are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
