i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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