Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
