i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
