direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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