Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
