I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
