he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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