if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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