I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
