STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
