I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
