I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
