If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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