stop calling my apartment porn island.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
