Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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