dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
