so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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