Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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